I have also in the last year or so started at least dozen books, and tonight at the time of this writings there are more than a dozen books sitting somewhere in my house with a bookmark (napkin, index card,restaurant receipt, etc.) placed somewhere in the first three chapters or so. I rarely read all of what I want to read out of magazines these days.Pod casts are about the only media I finish with any regularity (I did not find my ipod, but bought a new one).

My life feels a bit this way as well. I take the time to deal with one issue and the resolving of it can not be celebrated due to the three other things pressing in on my time and faculties. Thus very few things receive the attention they deserve. This leads to a small degree of paranoia, when one is always anticipating the other shoe to drop on a maintenance issue too far down the list.

All of these things are occurring while the entire world (my entire world) is spinning head long toward that date of only God's knowing when my baby girl will arrive. But really she is right here beside me even now in my wife's womb. She is even now a source of hope, even as her mother is a source of strength and encouragement.

Around the new year I wrote about Keith Green and wanting to be a better person. I am not sure I have attained such a lofty goal. This December has not been so long, and I am not sure if there is reason to believe that this year will be better than the last. But I have some problems with reason anyway. I don't think I have a reasonable faith. I am not sure what one is, or if you can really put those two words togethersencically anyway. Speaking of sense, I am not sure I am making any at the moment. I have felt a compulsion to blog, or write, or whatever for several days without knowing what to say, or if I have anything to say, and here is the fruit of that compulsion.

I do want to hang on to these moments as they passs.

Yesterday, November 3rd, was the 3rd anniversary of my father's passing. I spent the day remembering him in conscious nd unconscious ways, upon further reflection.

I began the day working at the church, replacing parts to a commode. Many times I can think of hanging out with Dad as he did minor repairs to a church building. Kim and I went to a funeral in the afternoon of one whose family is associated with our church. The afternoon following was spent reading and listening to one of my father's sermons. the evening was dedicated to football, being a fall Saturday, and many a Saturday have I spent watching either the Crimson Tide or the 'Cats football games with my Dad. I am proud to be my Fathers' son.

I had not thought of how well my Father preached in a long time. The audio I heard was from 1977, the monday service of a revival in Middleton (Ohio I think). I was struck at how communal the event was, and in what ways my Dad attempted to enter into the life of the community. In his opening remarks, he referred to 3 people who were seeking the baptism of the Holy Ghost, how he had prayed with them and was believing they would recieve in this revival. He named names. I was surprised at how open it was, that it wasn't shameful to not have recieved, but now everyone shares the burden of ministering to/with these 3 women who were seeking. My father also talked of a husband who was not attending church as under conviction, though this was his interpretation of a request. Conviction is a word not often heard today either, and it was refreshing to hear.

I had not planned to listen to this sermon, but I am glad I stumbled upon it. Because no matter what else he might have done, repairing churches, attending to the families of his cn=ongregation, or even being a football fan, My Dad was a great preacher.

My new favorite country band. The guy on the far left is sorta but not really my cousin. This is a bad recording, so you should go out and get their new cd.

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You scored as Maximus, After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him. Maximus 67% Neo, the "One" 63% Indiana Jones 54% The Amazing Spider-Man 46% El Zorro 46% Batman, the Dark Knight 46% Lara Croft 42% William Wallace 42% James Bond, Agent 007 38% Captain Jack Sparrow 33% The Terminator 29% created with QuizFarm.com

Not overly thrilled with the Maximus thing, but its ok.

Really it was a couple of days ago. But I really did see it. It was on a tractor-trailer. I was on the entrance ramp getting on the interstate, trying to think of all the stuff I needed to do that day, but when I saw the tank all I thought was whenI was a kid, my Dad would have sped up so I could see that. And I thought, I will too here in a few years. It was a pretty far out thought.

Then I started thinking about how I grew up loving military stuff, guns and tanks and planes. I still watch all kind of history channel stuff on them. I had as many books on firearms and military tactics as I had G.I. Joes. If I wasn't playing with army men, I was reading about them.

So the sight of the tank on the interstate prompted all the impending fatherhood thoughts. How will I, now commited to peacemaking as the way of Jesus, raise my child with regards to all? I am not sure what all that means. It is a whole new world.

So, as many of you may already know, Kim and I saw the police while on vacation in Louisville. Ever since we had driven through Louisville on our way to the Assembly last year we thought it would be a nice town to hang out in. So we picked a date solely because it was the last open weekend for us before Kim started back to school. We were planning a very low-key type of vacation, with only a few things on the agenda. We spent a night in Lexington, Ky and had a great time. We spent the morning at the Kentucky Horse Park (where the Man'O'War statue is) and then headed on down to Louisville (technically up to). We enjoyed the evening there and the next morning we sat around trying to figure out what to do for the day. So we googled some museums and then thought to go check out Churchill Downs. They were actually closed as far as horses go but another event was scheduled for that night.

I didn't even know the reunion tour went to Louisville, let alone that it was that evening!. I also was astonished that tickets were still available. So we got some tickets, and saw the Police in concert. It was incredible. As much as I have been a Sting fan, and as good as he was that evening, Andy Summers was the highlight of the night. His playing was awesome, really special. The whole band played tight, and it was a great night of music. It really was great.

The night before the concert, before we knew that the police were in town, or that a race course was being converted for a concert, we arrived in Louisville in the early afternoon. We checked into our hotel and figured to visit some landmarks of my personal history. My family lived in Louisville from 1985-91, or somewhere around there. So I took Kim to show her the church Dad pastored, the house we lived in, and the schools I attended. I had not been back to Louisville in over 15 years. It was a hard time in our family's history, and something we might have talked about in fht family, but not too often.

I had not thought about the affect this little tour would have on me. I had assumed half the buildings of my past in Louisville would simply not be there now. Theay all were. The church was still there. The high school I had attended was still there, though it has been converted into apartments. It is hard to put into words how this evening felt. It still is. I had faced this part of my past in a long time, and it was a hard evening. But it was a good evening too.

I have often found it interesting that the apparatus founded to ensure our countries security is now the main artery of the morning commute. This thought has struck me as funny for a long time.

I have been thinking for awhile about something else. Really ever since our vacation (more on that later). For all of my adult life I have lived in proximity to I-75. When I lived in Rossville, GA., I traveled to the mall, to movies, to guitar shops, and downtown to hear music on I-75. When I went to college, travelling up I-75 to get there, I went the opposite direction (south), but still I-75 got me everywhere I needed to go (that wasn't in Cleveland). When I moved to Knoxville several years later, it was 75 that got me there as well, and to do many things in Knoxville you had to go via I-75. It is a beautiful stretch of interstate that many of you are familiar with, that stretch that runs between Knoxville and Cleveland, and I love it. I love coming up on the Tennessee River around dusk or heading south and see the three radio tower lights at night. Or coming south out of Kentucky and all the mountains around Jellico North of Knoxville.

It is odd to be on a different quadrant now. I was contemplating this while driving north on I-65 the other week on vacation. I haven't been on 75 in months, and though I was on 65 at the time 0f contemplation, I am really an I-40 kinda guy nowadays. All thing I do involve 40, while occasionally I will access 65 for various things. To go have lunch with my wife on the rare day off, to go to the mall, movies, to libraries or downtown, it's all the even number East-West spectrum, no longer the odd numbers of north and south. I am not sure how to feel about that, but it does make me feel weird, odd even. It is a completely new way of thinking really.

I think its apart of change, a part of mathematical (or logical) familiarity. I had become comfortable with the axis of my journey being the north-south polarity, the identity of East Tennessee. I could order all things of my life around it. As many say that something is "west of the Mississippi," I understood or made sense of my world by its position with respect to 75. Though I no longer consider myself new to Nashville, and love it here, I have not yet gained a similar sense of polarity.

This has been an interesting day. I began it around 5 o'clock going to pick up the food for the Angel Food Network, which was a blast because the other churches that pick up at that sight sent some fun people. We joked around as much as we packed food. The next phase of the morning was spent distributing that food to those who ordered it. It was a slow afternoon, just hanging out at the house, but dinner was fun. The gentleman who invited me to temple invited me out to dinner with he and his wife when he found out Kim was out of town, and it was a delightful evening of conversation. And surprisingly enough, they inquired about and offered advice about the church.

It has been a good day.

Jesus! what a Friend for sinners!
Jesus! Lover of my soul;
Friends may fail me, foes assail me,
He, my Savior, makes me whole.

Hallelujah! what a Savior!
Hallelujah! what a Friend!
Saving, helping, keeping, loving,
He is with me to the end.

Jesus! what a Strength in weakness!
Let me hide myself in Him.
Tempted, tried, and sometimes failing,
He, my Strength, my victory wins.

Jesus! what a Help in sorrow!
While the billows over me roll,
Even when my heart is breaking,
He, my Comfort, helps my soul.

Jesus! what a Guide and Keeper!
While the tempest still is high,
Storms about me, night overtakes me,
He, my Pilot, hears my cry.

I have hundreds of preaching tapes collected over the years. I have worn out the tape deck of every car I have ever owned listening to them. My collection includes all kind of preachers, including many from my Dad. I have recieved contributions from all over, and refused no preacher. I see it as a historic deposit. I even have an ongoing process of digitizing many of them.
But the truth is between wearing out all tape decks in my possession and my schedule involving less traveling (the timespan of listening to a whole sermon) I have not listened to many in quite a while. But the beauty of technology steps in.

Kim and I got ipods about 6 months or so ago, and we listened to music for months. I had some knowledge and experience with podcasts but had not gotten into them. But recently, I have shopped for podcasts of notable churches/preachers and it has been a very enriching devotional experience. Walking the dogs, driving around town, or working in the yard have taken on a new significance, and has provided an great stage for taking in new ideas.

I have some concern about doing so much multitasking and not devoting time to the single purpose of spiritual growth as should be given. I am not sure what the didgital age means for spiritual disciplines such as solitude (as per Barth), and I hope I am not savving my guilt at not giving enough time to such by listening to podcasts while engaged in other business. But I have been greatly blessed as well as challenged by the experience so far, and am thankful for it.

The oddest thing happened the other day. We just bought some Frontline flea and tick stuff for Layla and when we brought it into the house, Kim saw a tick on it! The irony of that is really flabergasting.

This is my Father’s world,
and to my listening ears
All nature sings,
and round me rings the music of the spheres.

This is my Father’s world:
I rest me in the thought Of rocks and trees,
of skies and seas;
His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father’s world,
the birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white,
declare their Maker’s praise.

This is my Father’s world:
He shines in all that’s fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass;
He speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father’s world.
O let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.

This is my Father’s world:
the battle is not done:
Jesus Who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.

This is my Father’s world,
dreaming, I see His face.
I ope my eyes,
and in glad surprise cry,
“The Lord is in this place.”

This is my Father’s world,
from the shining courts above,
The Beloved One, His Only Son,
Came—a pledge of deathless love.

This is my Father’s world,
should my heart be ever sad?
The lord is King—let the heavens ring.
God reigns—let the earth be glad.

This is my Father’s world.
Now closer to Heaven bound,
For dear to God is the earth Christ trod.
No place but is holy ground.

This is my Father’s world.
I walk a desert lone.
In a bush ablaze to my wondering gaze
God makes His glory known.

This is my Father’s world,
a wanderer I may roam
Whate’er my lot, it matters not,
My heart is still at home.


I know Nic put this song up a few weeks ago, but I forgot until reading through the words this morning. I love the line he used as the title of his post. I used to have this on a tape of Brentwood Jazz, a Christian jazz ensemble, and I sing the phrases I remember while I have been walking the dogs this week in Warner park. To read the song in its entirety has been devotional to say the least.I have so enjoyed the solitude, which there is not a lot of in my life with work and church demands. I think I will take the camera today to get some photos of the park.

They are both good things, and I am happy with them. I am sorry I have been so absent. I will attempt to check in more regularly now that my schedule is becoming more regular.

I am not a grammy regular or anything, but I do enjoy them when I can. I enjoy what bit I caught of last nights edition. I missed the Police, which I greatly regret, but I did like Ludicriss and Mary J. Blige (missed EW&F in that act), and Christina Aguilara actually did pretty good on the James Brown tribute. I was a littled bothered by the those chosen to sing the Eagle's hits.

One thing that bothered me was the representation of the different eras of Rythm and Blues. I love Smokey Robinson, and I must admit with some embarrassment I enjoyed the dancing on the ceiling era of Lionel Ritchie, but it is interesting that they call what Chris Brown did as R&B. Smokey Lionel Ritchie sang songs that had a great melody, and were beautiful songs. I really enjoyed the music that Chris Brown did, and recognize totally the artistry and talent involved, but if the former examples were R&B, then I see very little of what makes up those great songs happening in Chris Brown's performance. It was mainly if not solely driven by percussion and tempo, with hardly no melody involved.

Rap and Hip Hop are great, and don't need my approval to be recognized as vital musical art forms, but I lament the passing of melody in so much of music today. Even in a lot of rock and pop, it is very much just generic cords with almost monotonal chanting over it. This is seen in bands like the Fray, Snow Patrol, etc. I enjoy this music, and am a fan, but I do miss a melody.

Saturday my wife and I went to the Nashville Gun Show to see my brother, Keith, who was working one of the booths. He is working at a gun store in Cleveland, and his weekends are filled with gun shows all over the southeast. This is him in Iraq awhile back. He wasn't decked out like that at the gun show.

The Gun show made for a fascinating afternoon. I had some notion of the subculture, but had not been immersed as I was then. Kim and I were a bit taken aback by it. I have never seen so many firearms in one place, especially as they were being handled so openly. Many seemed to be adopting the premise of Red Dawn as a present reality, and were not going to be found unprepared. The majority of firearms were of military make, or at least faked out to appear so. The weapon to the left has been an internationally popular weapons for various military entities. It is the FN FAL, and due to its popularity there has been many made, by many manufacturers. This popularity has bled over into the retail market, and with so many having been made, they are reasonably inexpensive. They were all over the gun show, as were blasts from the pasts AK-47s, AR-15s, and even an uzi or two.

We estimated from our observations that about 75% of those at the show were involved in some conspiracy theory of some sort. there were collectors as well, who saw them as much as artifacts as weapons (there were many old weapons there as well). I even saw a guy with a six-shooter strapped to his leg old west style. Many brandished weapons, presumably unloaded (they were checked at the door), making you feel you were in an unsecured area of an embattled city.

I was carried back to my childhood, where I did almost systematic study on firearms and was fascinated by firearms, military history, etc. I probably also bought into some of those conspiracies at the time, though at age 10 I didn't have the money or credentials to make a purchase to properly outfit me for the presumed outcome. It was a very interesting day, reflecting both on those around me, and on my own history.

Robb -- [noun]: A brand of soylent green breakfast cereal 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I am sitting here on the couch watching Red Dawn. I always enjoy it these days. It reminds me of nights of childhood filled with great cinema like AmeriKa, The Rambo trilogy, and the like that fueled the sentiment of anti-soviet rhetoric in the '80s. It also reminds me of nights filled with sleeplessness, waiting for the reality of these prophetic oracles to come. Now, at my age at the time I was as willing to take their reality as much as anybody elses, no matter how plausible. But I still remeber hearing the airliners coming into the Louisville International airport and hoping it was not an ICBM. The irony of this was with two brothers in the military, I knew all the lingo and all the tactics. It was kind of the political equivalent of the spiritual reality of growing up in the '80s for many of my tradition: living like a refugee when the rapture took place or living as an outlaw in the new soviet state in the US. I had both scenarios planned out, as to how I would live "off the grid" without interaction with anyone who might turn me in either to the Soviets or to the "One World Leader," Whose identity changed with every passing evangelist: Charles Manson, Kadafi, various resurrecting soviet leaders (there's some intertextuality for ya), even Prince.

My fear dominated many aspects of my pre-pubescent life. It is funny to watch how these movies now, and the fine acting involved. It shows how silly my fears might have been, on both ideas. But it is also interesting to see how much trafficing in the idealogies of fear there still is in both political and ecclesiastical circles.

OK, so when I sat down I wasn't thinking of Star Wars. But when I wrote out the title, who wouldn't go with this association? It seems a lot of things, disparate and unconnected, point to the theme of Hope. Conversations I have had with friends and family seem to work around this theme for the last several weeks. And though I wasn't thinking about it, sometimes that hope seems as foolish and unadvised as the bands of rebels the empire was seeking out to wipe out in that movie of beautiful archetypes (See Joseph Campbell). Another way to put it is "Nothing is impossible with God." The context of that quote is astonishing (See KEA's post on Mary).

But really brought me to the keyboard this fine morning is something else. The above paragraph is only the rambling of word association from writing in the title. No, what has really got me thinking about hope in the last few days is u2 and my Mom. I am currently listening to Joshua Tree and the sweeping exultation of how streets have no name breaks out from the organ stuff at the beginning is really a great musical prelude to the lyrical inspiration of the song and of the whole album, really. And what is beautiful is that it is a hope that is knowledgeable about the pain of this world, that is experienced in what is going on in the world, in the lives of people, yet untainted, undiminished. and 20 years after its arrival, the band continues to be a lampstand of hope, even having seen so much more of the hurts of life, of this world. And it is a hope in grand things, in a new heaven and a new earth. It is about taking up the causes of those who have gone before, of those who do not have a voice, and calling out for justice, for righteousness. The hope that drives u2 is a hope unfulfilled, still searching, still pushing. While recognizing the reality of how things are, it casts a vision of how things ought to be, , and in so doing gives a glimpse of how things will be.

A conversation with my Mom this week reminded me of that hope this week. My mom, whose wisdom is disputed only by her, shared with me about being patient in times of (inner) conflict and indecision. She talked to me about the need to sing a new song, and I talked to her about an old song sung by an old but hopeful rock band.




If you hadn't guessed, I just figured out in the last few posts how to use the "link" button. So this is a little overboard, but really, y'all are all thinking what songs you'd put into the linked words I used. I recognize anyone with any familiarity with the band is already acquainted with the theme of hope and reality the band brings to the table. These are just my thought right now.

I have begun God's Politics by Jim Wallis and it has already peaked my interest (intro and into the 1st ch.). It has been recommended to me by several friends and mentors, especially Prof. Ayodeji Adewuya. I have enjoyed his critique of the current political climate and have been challenged (already even) by his call to reflect on how we are to live in a holistic manner. He really takes on the entire spectrum of political thought in challenging the reader to look at things from a Christian perspective. He is very much about bringing faith into public life, but in a way that catches up a wide range of issues, not allowing the candidates or pundits to dictate what the issues are that should concern us. He says that the church cannot be co-opted by either side so that it can be a prophetic voice to both sides. The quote in the title is one made to Wallis by a friend in a conversation about taking action and not just criticizing. He promises on some of how this can be done. I am looking forward to hearing how he proposes this. We shall see.

This morning I have several things I need to get done in the office, so of course my sweet puppy is not being so sweet. She has chewed up everything from napkins to pencils (mechanical) to study notes. All the while not giving me too much peace in between bouts of energy.

Your Career Personality: Independent, Insightful, and Ingenious

Your Ideal Careers:

Architect
Artist
Business strategist
College professor
Computer programmer
Mathematician
Neurologist
Philosopher
Photographer
Video game developer

Today is the third day in a row going to the YMCA. I have not been battling my weight problem for a little while, so I thought it was time I took up the fight. Really, this is all part of that same thing of which I posted earlier- house cleaning/personal cleansing and what not.

It has felt good to do. Of course, I have done nothing strenious. But it has been a nice break in the day. It has been good so far.

I have been listening to Keith Green this morning. My wife and I cleaned out a bunch of old files and junk and what not yesterday. These two sentences seem unconnected, but they are not.

I only know keith Green from his music and stories of people just a tad older than me who were alive when he was alive. I came to his music later in life. There are few artist in recent history with the passion and intensity in their ministry than Keith Green. He was singleminded in his work for Christ (please note above that I only know him after his death, yet I am not attempting gloss over any shortcomings others may be aware of that I don't know of).

My wife has listened to him a long time, and still does. She puts his music on in the house often. I don't listen to quite as often, mainly cause I am a happy man, pretty carefree. Keith Green's music has the 2 fold effect of causing me to see with greater clarity the love of God for me and putting me under serious conviction. I begin to see where my shortcomings are in my life, especially my spiritual life- which prompts a thought about intergration: do we have a "spiritual life" vs. "life", but that is for another discussion I guess.

I want to live with a new intensity, passion this year. I want to not just clean out this place I live in as we did yesterday, but I want to put my house in order. I want this year to be more conscious of God in all that I do. My eyes have been dry for a while.

What a melodramatic title. Truth be told I am not dealing with any at athe moment, but I just put a friend on a a plane who is dealing with a load of it.

People interpret adversity in many ways. Some believe it is part of the natural state of things in the fallen world. There are just things to deal with. Others see adversity as something to overcome, a test to pass, a victory to achieve. Still others see it as the chastening of the Lord, thus to be avoided or steered clear from.

I imagine the only wrong answer is that only one of these is right. If I eat some ethnic foods, adversity will soon follow of a certain type. That I would imagine be part of the natural state, and not a test or the correction of the Lord. But the Bible also speaks of two kingdoms who war against one another, thus adversity is to be expected on such a level. I would imagine adversity too is God's instructing for certain situations.

Would Jesus have endured Gethsemene if it was interpreted as chastening. It would seem that he would have changed course if the path he was one reflected a need to change. The adversity of that week had another purpose. I would imagine some things are worth the price, and for others the price is too high to pay. Adversity calls for us to reflect constantly on who we are to be and where we are going- weighing the cost.

The new year comes with mixed emotions. It means football is almost over, though the end of the year has given us some good games. But looking out from this vantage, I am grateful looking out over the new year. I have a wonderful wife, I have a great job, living in a cool city. I am excited about the possibilities of this new year, and all it could hold.